Love Lectures

Dump him for good or date him again, the usual dilemma with exes.  The most common refrain many women make (excuses) are things like:  but I love him! Or he’s not all bad… If you’re doing the date-him-again debate, there are things you’ll need to think about.  Here’s a check-list:

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

You have to be honest- completely, brutally honest- with yourself.  Do you want him back because you’re lonely and miss having someone around, or are you missing him?

Why Did It End?

There aren’t many cases of no-fault break-ups.  It was either you, him or both.  Did he cheat?  Did you?  A forgive and forget policy is great on paper but ultra-sticky in real life.  Being clear about the reasons it finished gives you a starting point of whether to get back together.

Was It Good For You?

Look at your relationship with the blinders and rose-colored glasses off.  Was it a good relationship?

It’s easy to romanticize a relationship when you’re hurting, but you need to take in the good, the bad and the ugly.

What Do Your Mates Think?

Use your family and friends- and take in their information without getting snippy.  They’re the people who are most protective of you, and they’ll also be the most critical.

What Does the Future Hold?

If you broke up because he’s scared of commitment, you’ll have to look at whether he’s changed or not.  This isn’t just about right for right now, but whether he’s the kind of person you want a year from here.

Is It the Grass-Is-Greener?

It happens all of the time- you’ve finally gotten over your ex, and now they want the New Improved  You back.  Or maybe it’s you, seeing him out with other women?  It’s a terrible reason for getting back with your ex.

Regressing or Regaining?

You’re going to have to ask yourself if you’re taking a step back, not forward in getting back together.  Will you fall into the same relationship, or have you both changed since the break-up?

To Fish or Not to Fish?

Don’t forget that your ex is one of many men- and he may not be exactly suited to you or you him. You’re still single, you’ve got a lot of choices.  How compatible are you, in reality?

Is He Worth It?

Go through the list of all of his bad habits, everything that drove you crazy.  Then ask yourself if you’re willing to put up with it again or not.  Do his good qualities outweigh his annoying ones?

Reaction to Another Break-Up?

Since it didn’t work out before, there’s a very real chance it won’t work out this time.  Will you be able to deal with it, or will it leave you heartbroken all over again?

Getting back together with an ex is a tough decision, and in the end it’s down to you.  If you’ve gone through the check-list and are convinced it’s a good idea, what on earth are you waiting for?

Filed under: Relationship Breakup